Directionless

Normally I have an opinion about everything, but lately my brain is unable to formulate a profound, comical, or sarcastic comment on any aspect of life. See, my second son Willem died on October 4th, losing his battle with Leukemia. He was eight and half months old. My life has been changed, more like reborn or contorted to a point of total confusion. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go from here. I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful, loving wife and another son to help get through this tragedy, but I'm left feeling empty. There is a pit in my stomach that is rotting away, rotting away my soul. At times I feel nothing, numb to everything, not caring for anything. At times I don't know if I can feel. Then the feeling comes back like a runaway train and I have no idea how to apply the brakes. I start aching inside. I long for just a glimpse of Willem and a brief touch of his wonderful little hands. This just simply sucks! You can read book after book or take advice from others, but it doesn't help, it never will. I just have to face the fact that I'm never going to see, hold, play, or kiss him again.