I had a visit from a little bird a couple of times at work last week. He kept brushing up against my window and we actually spent about 5 minutes staring at one another. I couldn’t help but think of Willem looking up at me when I used to play with him.
Little Bird
Little bird knocking on my windowpane
You came fluttering by to visit with me
Hop on over on my windowsill
You got my attention, so I will listen to you
Pretty bird gray as the gloomy sky
You tilt your head with benevolent eyes
As you deliver your message from beyond the rain
To help me survive this overwhelming pain
If I could only chirp in your language then you
Could take my message up to your skies of blue
Please sing him a song like I use to do
And tell him I love him and I miss him too
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
The Conquer Childhood Cancer Act
If you want to help children who are stricken with cancer go to this link (the link is the title of this blog entry) and write a letter to your representative showing your support for this legislation. It only takes a couple of minutes (the letter is filled out for you) to complete and it can help make a big difference. Childhood cancer doesn't receive close to the same amount of funding as adult cancers; these kids need the playing field leveled in order for them to have hope of a cure.
If you want to know why I'm so passionate about this read more of my blog or go to the caringbridge site I maintain in honor of my son Willem.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/willembolan
If you want to know why I'm so passionate about this read more of my blog or go to the caringbridge site I maintain in honor of my son Willem.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/willembolan
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Superbowl Sunday – More Like Super Waste of Time Day
Yes, I said it – the Superbowl is a waste of money and time. The hype behind this game, remember it is a game, is ridiculous. I'm so sick of professional sports, even college athletics. I used to sit down for 2 to 3 hours straight with a bag of chips and a tall glass of soda to watch my favorite team. This time was spent yelling at the T.V., getting frustrated, annoyed, angry and excited at every shot, call, catch, run, penalty, foul, etc. What a waste of time!
Wake up! Those 3 hours could be spent playing with your kids, making dinner for your family, talking to friends, getting stuff done around the house, or just talking and relaxing with your significant other about something more meaningful than a stupid game where all the athletes are drastically overpaid. I don't think any of them should be our kids' heroes because the majority of these athletes are self-centered jerks.
Most (maybe all) of these guys make more money than the President of the United States. Something is really wrong here. The only thing these guys do is play a game – football players, play what 17 games in a season tops?
I admit it, occasionally when the Seahawks (yes I'm a Seahawks fan) are televised I'll watch some of the game. Last time I watched a game it annoyed me so much I turned it off and vowed never to watch a game again.
Our society, puts value in places that just don't deserve it. Entertainers are not saving the world, well unless you are Oprah and you think you are saving the world. Actually, Oprah does a lot of good and has a mountain of money to donate, so I'll leave her alone. The television has demonstrated to me our society is extremely shallow – We just sit there and drool on ourselves everyday letting our brains turn to mush.
Let me be clear about something, I am not claiming that I never watch TV, hell my son is sitting there drooling on himself right now watching Thomas the Train; plus there are a few programs out there that I watch, I just can't turn off Family Guy when it is on. I simply wish people (myself included) would pay less attention to the TV and quit putting all of these athletes on a pedestal then maybe people that really deserve the money could make more of it like social workers, teachers, soldiers, and nurses. Again, as I stated with Oprah, there are some pro athletes that spend a lot of their time and money on charities, and are genuinely good people, but how can they justify making multiple millions of dollars for playing 17 games over the course of 5 months?
So, stand by me and turn off your 50" Plasma TV and have a nice dinner with your family and let those football players play their little game.
Wake up! Those 3 hours could be spent playing with your kids, making dinner for your family, talking to friends, getting stuff done around the house, or just talking and relaxing with your significant other about something more meaningful than a stupid game where all the athletes are drastically overpaid. I don't think any of them should be our kids' heroes because the majority of these athletes are self-centered jerks.
Most (maybe all) of these guys make more money than the President of the United States. Something is really wrong here. The only thing these guys do is play a game – football players, play what 17 games in a season tops?
I admit it, occasionally when the Seahawks (yes I'm a Seahawks fan) are televised I'll watch some of the game. Last time I watched a game it annoyed me so much I turned it off and vowed never to watch a game again.
Our society, puts value in places that just don't deserve it. Entertainers are not saving the world, well unless you are Oprah and you think you are saving the world. Actually, Oprah does a lot of good and has a mountain of money to donate, so I'll leave her alone. The television has demonstrated to me our society is extremely shallow – We just sit there and drool on ourselves everyday letting our brains turn to mush.
Let me be clear about something, I am not claiming that I never watch TV, hell my son is sitting there drooling on himself right now watching Thomas the Train; plus there are a few programs out there that I watch, I just can't turn off Family Guy when it is on. I simply wish people (myself included) would pay less attention to the TV and quit putting all of these athletes on a pedestal then maybe people that really deserve the money could make more of it like social workers, teachers, soldiers, and nurses. Again, as I stated with Oprah, there are some pro athletes that spend a lot of their time and money on charities, and are genuinely good people, but how can they justify making multiple millions of dollars for playing 17 games over the course of 5 months?
So, stand by me and turn off your 50" Plasma TV and have a nice dinner with your family and let those football players play their little game.
Monday, January 14, 2008
2007 – Eight Months with Willem
Two thousand and seven began with the birth of my second son, Willem David Bolan. On January nineteenth, Willem was born. Life seemed to be on track, a great job, a wonderful wife, two boys I adored, a comfortable house in a nice neighborhood, but there was something wrong – Willem was always crying and upset, he hardly ate, he hardly slept, and then he developed what seemed to be a minor cold, with sinus congestion. After numerous trips to the doctor we were frustrated, as he didn’t seem to be getting better. The doctors didn’t have any good answers besides the cold thing. We were at our wit’s end. Finally, after noticing some odd bruising on his side and back, we got an answer, but this answer we didn’t want to hear – “Willem has Leukemia” the doctor said. Our world immediately turned upside down as we were slapped in the face by this harsh reality.
Our train had fallen of the tracks. Never to be fixed. Never to be placed back on the rails. Never to return from where it came. Life had immediately changed – we were given a pill that was impossible to swallow. Life was now unbearable. How were we going to get through this?
Willem was just seven weeks old when first diagnosed. I had hardly gotten to know him or form that fatherly bond with him, but I would soon develop a bond with Willem that would reach to the end of the universe, to the end of time.
The first few weeks in the hospital were a nightmare, he was extremely sick and we battled to keep him alive and we did it. The treatment Willem went through over the next few months was excruciating to watch and for him to endure. Willem was getting stronger and we were getting through everyday, learning how to take care of him. We did things as parents, which no parent should ever have to do to their child, but we gave him his shots, put the feed tube down his nose, and suctioned the secretions from the back of his mouth without a second thought – it had to be done in order for him to survive.
We had been in and out of the hospital since the end of June, Willem was in remission and by the end of August a bone marrow transplant was planned. Everything seemed to be working in our favor, my other son Kiernan was a one hundred percent match and Willem was getting stronger. We thought we were beating the disease, but it proved to be much stronger than the treatments Willem endured. The official diagnosis was Infant Leukemia, specifically pre-B cell ALL with the MLL gene mutation. This is an extremely difficult form of ALL to cure, with less than a twenty percent survival rate. Our beloved Willem didn’t make it. We were home just about a week, after a one-month stay in the transplant unit. His counts were back up and minor morphine withdrawal was our only concern. Maybe we could get the train back on the tracks after all? That wasn’t the case, Willem was getting weaker, and he looked pale and was lethargic. Initial labs showed a higher than expected white blood cell count. The next morning, my wife, Chris, took Willem to clinic to get new labs taken, just in case there was some mix-up, maybe there was an infection brewing, but there wasn’t a mix-up or infection – Willem’s counts had doubled and our worst fear was realized, the Leukemia was back, this time more aggressive than before. Within, one week after we discovered he had relapsed he died.
We loved Willem more than life itself. His smile would light up a room and bring sunshine into your heart. Everyone that met Willem, held Willem, or played with Willem is forever branded by his smile. One little boy, with one beautiful smile, changed hundreds of lives in eight months’ time and changed mine forever. I found strength that I didn’t realize I had. I didn’t know what love was until Willem showed me. Yes, he showed me – not with words, but with his eyes and his smile. I no longer fear death because I have felt it steal away my little boy, ripping out a huge chunk of my soul.
I will forever walk trying to fill Willem’s little shoes. Funny how I say little “shoes” as Willem never got to wear shoes, walk or even crawl? I will live the rest of my days taking care of my family, loving others, helping others and looking for signs that he is with me. Oh how I wish I could see a rainbow today…
Our train had fallen of the tracks. Never to be fixed. Never to be placed back on the rails. Never to return from where it came. Life had immediately changed – we were given a pill that was impossible to swallow. Life was now unbearable. How were we going to get through this?
Willem was just seven weeks old when first diagnosed. I had hardly gotten to know him or form that fatherly bond with him, but I would soon develop a bond with Willem that would reach to the end of the universe, to the end of time.
The first few weeks in the hospital were a nightmare, he was extremely sick and we battled to keep him alive and we did it. The treatment Willem went through over the next few months was excruciating to watch and for him to endure. Willem was getting stronger and we were getting through everyday, learning how to take care of him. We did things as parents, which no parent should ever have to do to their child, but we gave him his shots, put the feed tube down his nose, and suctioned the secretions from the back of his mouth without a second thought – it had to be done in order for him to survive.
We had been in and out of the hospital since the end of June, Willem was in remission and by the end of August a bone marrow transplant was planned. Everything seemed to be working in our favor, my other son Kiernan was a one hundred percent match and Willem was getting stronger. We thought we were beating the disease, but it proved to be much stronger than the treatments Willem endured. The official diagnosis was Infant Leukemia, specifically pre-B cell ALL with the MLL gene mutation. This is an extremely difficult form of ALL to cure, with less than a twenty percent survival rate. Our beloved Willem didn’t make it. We were home just about a week, after a one-month stay in the transplant unit. His counts were back up and minor morphine withdrawal was our only concern. Maybe we could get the train back on the tracks after all? That wasn’t the case, Willem was getting weaker, and he looked pale and was lethargic. Initial labs showed a higher than expected white blood cell count. The next morning, my wife, Chris, took Willem to clinic to get new labs taken, just in case there was some mix-up, maybe there was an infection brewing, but there wasn’t a mix-up or infection – Willem’s counts had doubled and our worst fear was realized, the Leukemia was back, this time more aggressive than before. Within, one week after we discovered he had relapsed he died.
We loved Willem more than life itself. His smile would light up a room and bring sunshine into your heart. Everyone that met Willem, held Willem, or played with Willem is forever branded by his smile. One little boy, with one beautiful smile, changed hundreds of lives in eight months’ time and changed mine forever. I found strength that I didn’t realize I had. I didn’t know what love was until Willem showed me. Yes, he showed me – not with words, but with his eyes and his smile. I no longer fear death because I have felt it steal away my little boy, ripping out a huge chunk of my soul.
I will forever walk trying to fill Willem’s little shoes. Funny how I say little “shoes” as Willem never got to wear shoes, walk or even crawl? I will live the rest of my days taking care of my family, loving others, helping others and looking for signs that he is with me. Oh how I wish I could see a rainbow today…
Friday, January 11, 2008
What really is important?
What really is important? Is it having a great job? It is it having a healthy family? Is it living a long life and having enough money to live comfortably? What are we all complaining about? Who gives a crap about social security? Who gives a crap about health care? Obviously the government doesn't because they are driving the country into an enormous debt and spending all of our hard-earned money on protecting this country from a potential threat that may or may not kill american lives.
Well, I have news for you, the government is killing its own people. The government is not looking out for us. Health care costs are out of control and the coverage is getting worse and worse every year. Money that can be spent helping treat disease, or promoting research, is being spent fighting wars in other countries. Everyone supports the troops, but to what end? Supporting them until they get killed?
I've lost all confidence in our government. I laugh at both parties, the debates, their stupid politics, their stupid beliefs. Politicians don't believe in anything because they are afraid to say how they truly feel for fear of losing ground in the polls. Where do these polls come from anyhow? What really kills me is how our President doesn't believe in harvesting stem cells from embryos because it destroys human lives. These lives don't have a conscience yet, a brain, a heart. Our commander-in-chief says he is against this, but he somehow has the nerve to send our troops, someone's son or daughter into a war that never had a just reason to start. Where were the WMD's? Wasn't that why we went to war in the first place? Does everyone just want to forget that? He lied and people have died and are still dying. Thousand of Iraqis have died and continue to die. It just doesn't make sense. His pride and pig headedness are the reason we are still there. Does he really think we are that dumb?
My son died this past October from infant Leukemia – the reason he died is because the treatment has been pretty much the same for over thirty years. There have been tweaks to the protocol, but still no really drastic improvements. My son's chances were pathetic, less that 15% survival rate. My son, Willem, was only a baby, 8 months old, when he died. There is no money to be made in treating this type of cancer, Infant ALL; with all of the technological advances that are driven by potential profits, companies, for the most part, just don't care – it's capitalism baby! All about the bottom line.
It sickens me.
People in there extremely large and expensive vehicles sicken me. People in their half a million dollar houses sicken me. People who buy $10,000 TVs sicken me. People that pay for 200 channels of television sicken me. People that spend 300 dollars on a pair of sunglasses sicken me. Yes, I too like to have things. Sometimes I sicken myself when I fall in to the clutches of materialism – but come on now! Where do we draw the line between having a few things that we enjoy to having things we don't even realize we have anymore? Is it really necessary to give your fiancé a 2 carrot diamond ring? Will she not love you if you get her a 1 carrot diamond instead? If she won't then why in the hell marry her?
And… What is all this complaining about? I don't have this and I wish I had more money, blah blah blah. I used to complain all the time, actually I still do and hate when I catch myself bitching and moaning.
Another thought… Christmas really sucks! I think the world would be a better place if we abolished Christmas. Everyone says it is about Jesus and all that, but they don't practice what they preach. They don't help out those that are less fortunate. Hell, I'm guilty of this too. If one more person asks "how was my Christmas?" I will slug them. "Ok, Ted, get over it, Christmas was over 2 weeks ago." I don't know. I'm just sick of people's fascination with having stuff and having money. I wish there was no such thing – but then again I could never live off the land and hunt and gather my own food. I'm a big wuss. I wouldn't know where to start. I guess we need money to live, but at what price?
Capitalism is out of control. There is a product or service for everything. There are "pooper scooper" services for your dogs. I've even created ads (yes I'm guilty as charged, I'm in advertising) for a pet spa and hotel. They're freakin' animals. They drool all over the place, smell really bad, poop wherever, and are full of flees and pests. I love my cats, but I would never send them to a Kitty Hotel!
Well, I have news for you, the government is killing its own people. The government is not looking out for us. Health care costs are out of control and the coverage is getting worse and worse every year. Money that can be spent helping treat disease, or promoting research, is being spent fighting wars in other countries. Everyone supports the troops, but to what end? Supporting them until they get killed?
I've lost all confidence in our government. I laugh at both parties, the debates, their stupid politics, their stupid beliefs. Politicians don't believe in anything because they are afraid to say how they truly feel for fear of losing ground in the polls. Where do these polls come from anyhow? What really kills me is how our President doesn't believe in harvesting stem cells from embryos because it destroys human lives. These lives don't have a conscience yet, a brain, a heart. Our commander-in-chief says he is against this, but he somehow has the nerve to send our troops, someone's son or daughter into a war that never had a just reason to start. Where were the WMD's? Wasn't that why we went to war in the first place? Does everyone just want to forget that? He lied and people have died and are still dying. Thousand of Iraqis have died and continue to die. It just doesn't make sense. His pride and pig headedness are the reason we are still there. Does he really think we are that dumb?
My son died this past October from infant Leukemia – the reason he died is because the treatment has been pretty much the same for over thirty years. There have been tweaks to the protocol, but still no really drastic improvements. My son's chances were pathetic, less that 15% survival rate. My son, Willem, was only a baby, 8 months old, when he died. There is no money to be made in treating this type of cancer, Infant ALL; with all of the technological advances that are driven by potential profits, companies, for the most part, just don't care – it's capitalism baby! All about the bottom line.
It sickens me.
People in there extremely large and expensive vehicles sicken me. People in their half a million dollar houses sicken me. People who buy $10,000 TVs sicken me. People that pay for 200 channels of television sicken me. People that spend 300 dollars on a pair of sunglasses sicken me. Yes, I too like to have things. Sometimes I sicken myself when I fall in to the clutches of materialism – but come on now! Where do we draw the line between having a few things that we enjoy to having things we don't even realize we have anymore? Is it really necessary to give your fiancé a 2 carrot diamond ring? Will she not love you if you get her a 1 carrot diamond instead? If she won't then why in the hell marry her?
And… What is all this complaining about? I don't have this and I wish I had more money, blah blah blah. I used to complain all the time, actually I still do and hate when I catch myself bitching and moaning.
Another thought… Christmas really sucks! I think the world would be a better place if we abolished Christmas. Everyone says it is about Jesus and all that, but they don't practice what they preach. They don't help out those that are less fortunate. Hell, I'm guilty of this too. If one more person asks "how was my Christmas?" I will slug them. "Ok, Ted, get over it, Christmas was over 2 weeks ago." I don't know. I'm just sick of people's fascination with having stuff and having money. I wish there was no such thing – but then again I could never live off the land and hunt and gather my own food. I'm a big wuss. I wouldn't know where to start. I guess we need money to live, but at what price?
Capitalism is out of control. There is a product or service for everything. There are "pooper scooper" services for your dogs. I've even created ads (yes I'm guilty as charged, I'm in advertising) for a pet spa and hotel. They're freakin' animals. They drool all over the place, smell really bad, poop wherever, and are full of flees and pests. I love my cats, but I would never send them to a Kitty Hotel!
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